Tuesday, October 02, 2007

coffee, tea or me?

It's time to retire the beverage cart. Huge lunk that it is, crowding the aisle, prohibiting poor me from traveling to the rest room on these brief flights when the pilot keeps the seatbelt sign on because he wants to give the flight attendants enough time to serve us all those teeny tiny plastic cups which, overloaded with ice, support hardly enough liquid to make the expenditure of plastic worthwhile.

And do they recycle the empties? Let me guess.

The beverage cart is a relic, held over from the days when they actually served you a hot meal, or a strange approximation thereof. Those strange tinfoiled and shrinkwrapped trays were themselves holdovers from the *real* meals -- the kind they serve now only in First and Business Class -- meals so real they require real flatware for consumption. (But don't be trying for a real knife in any class, any more -- since 9/11 it's plastic only.)

Real meals require real attendance. Real meals give flight attendants something real to do. Beverage carts are just busy work.

Virgin Atlantic, I'm told (or is it Jet Blue?), offers complimentary drinks on their flights -- to which you are welcome to serve yourself. Just get up and grab a coke. Of course, you could go thirsty if the seat belt light stays on for extended lenghts of time, but whadya want to bet that they have a contingency plan for just such situations?

Here's a thought: retire the old school idea of the stewardess, that wet dream of a waitress who brings you your ashtray and martini with a twist, and replace her with a far more useful Air Marshall/EMT type who can save my life and the lives of all my fellow passengers in the event the plane descends in rapid spiral and all the oxygen masks go on the blink by buddy breathing us all from a single oxygen tank.

I wouldn't mind her blocking the aisles so much to do that.

Posting by Sidekick.
Inbound to Detroit.

Update: This just in on real knives »


Lolabola said...

It's time you took that trip overseas and re-experienced the joy of those tinfoil wrapped meals. Say Spain maybe?

I was alarmed to discover they just throw the headphones out when you're done with them. But they're still free so there's no incentive to bring your own.

suttonhoo said...

I actually take comfort in the toss away headphone idea, although recycling would probably be a better idea.

The idea of getting that close to a stranger's ear wax kinda creeps me out.

Lolabola said...

Eew! I guess I meant I prefer the 'bring your own or we'll charge you to buy some you can keep' It seems to work well for long distance bus travel and then they wouldn't have to throw them all out or recycle.

Matthew said...

Real knives are back! AA's had real knives back in domestic first class for the past couple of years...I just had a real knife last night on my flight from Fort Myer's to ORD.

suttonhoo said...

very cool! shows you when I last flew First... ;)

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