Monday, July 24, 2006


delayed in detroit
Originally uploaded by suttonhoo.
Traveling today. Lots of time to think about the little things I would do to make the world a more pleasant place if I had any pull. (I'm feeling cranky too, so watch out.)

  • Seat people in theatres the way Southwest seats planes – by zone. Middle folks in first. No more of this climbing over my knees 5 min before curtain sh*t.

  • Take a cue from Japan and activate the indicator light on the elevator as soon as the poor schlep wanting the lift pushes the button. (How courteous and kind is that?) I’m tired of wondering and guessing and then dashing for the door when it finally dings.

  • If you’re gonna ask me to take my shoes off at airport security, for god’s sake lay down one of those funky paper runners – and change it every day. Nothing icks me out like walking on that airport floor in my socks. And then climbing back into my shoes for a long stinky ride. Ew.

  • Redesign airplane armrests from the ground up -- replace them with something double-wide and soft and cushy and maybe with a bumper down the middle so I can share it with the big guy in the middle seat without all that unnecessary stranger on stranger arm touching. (More ick.)

  • Replace all the PA systems remotely associated with public transportation with modern audio components – start with the ones in the terminals and on those old MacDonald-Douglas aircraft – because WE CAN’T UNDERSTAND A WORD YOU’RE SAYING.

  • When you offer folks an option between two standby flights or one available flight on those quick check-in terminals, flash a warning that you’re flying them into an entirely different airport than you flew them out of. Some of us are just tired and want to get home and WON’T NOTICE that you’re booking us to Midway after we departed from O’Hare. (goddamit.)


    heather lorin said...

    At least you had on socks. There are a lot of bare feet that cover that same territory here in Florida.

    suttonhoo said...


    Lolabola said...

    that is truly gross

    I think you should add:

    40 something lonely guys who think making inappropriate jokes to younger women, who are trapped between them and the window, should be forced to sit in their own section.

    Flight attendants who get in on the "humour" should be slapped.

    suttonhoo said...

    ew ew ew.

    sorta like the "women only" train cars in asia. second that.

    (walking the plank might be more interesting than a slap. but just for repeat offenders.)

    (what?! we'll give 'em a chute.)

    Anne said...

    can you add:
    line up according to height and the tallest people get priority for the exit rows.
    how many times have I and my giant husband been squashed in regular seats while puny people sit the in the spacious exit rows?? :)

    suttonhoo said...

    perfect -- like those signs at rollercoasters!

    patrick said...

    ditto on the exit row ideas. Next time I see some 5'3" women there while my 6'2" frame is getting crushed by a reclining seatback I'm stew. Those regional jets are tiny enough as it is.

    ditto also on the bare foot thing.

    To expand on the PA announcement issue...if you're a gate agent, you can make that same announcement with 1/5 the words...if you're a flight attendant you can do it at 1/5th the volume. We all have a loudspeaker 4 inches from our ears (except that 5' 3" woman in exit row) ya know!

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